What not to say to someone like me

  1. Stop overthinking

If it were that simple, I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in. Please just try to understand that I am the way I am. You know it’s not rational, I know it’s not rational, but it’s going to happen anyway. So please just let me do my thing. If my overthinking is bothering you, try and take a moment to think about how it affects me. You only get to hear about it, I get to live it.

  1. You know it’s just silly to be scared of that, right?

Yes. Yes I do. Thanks for enlightening me on the fact that my fears are silly. I feel so much better now. Try to know that, again, it’s irrational, we all know it is, no more so than myself. If it could be helped it would. So if you see me wash my cup twice, then rinse it 3 times, just roll with it. I’m not harming anyone, and it makes me feel better.

  1. Why don’t you just forget about it?

Why didn’t I consider not obsessing over things? Seriously, where have you been all my life with your words of wisdom? Obsessing over things is what we do best, as it ties in neatly with overthinking. It’s irrational (again this word will pop up a lot), it’s exhausting, and it’s no more frustrating to anyone than myself. If my obsessing over something is bothering you in some way, help me distract my thoughts, change the subject to something of a mutual interest and help me forget. Probably will only work momentarily but that is more helpful than asking me to ‘just forget’.

  1. Should you not go to a doctor?

Yes, I’ve been to see many doctors over the years thank you, including counsellors. There is no cure for an anxiety disorder, as if there was I would have had it by now. 

  1. Do you not think it’s just all in your head?

No way! Do you think?! Of course, it’s all in my head, hence the term ‘Mental illness’. No fooling you Sherlock. If by asking this you’re implying that we’re causing this and can we please just stop it, ummm, no. Just no.

  1. I get like that and I’m not anxious.

Understanding goes a long way, and I often find I’m met by narrow minded people, even in my own family. Unfortunately, I don’t always get the best support or understanding, as I get met with things like this. As explained in a previous blog, there are different levels of anxiety, everyone feels it, but those of us who have an anxiety disorder, we have no control and it is far more intense.

  1. Why are you so moody?

Being like this is exhausting. I’m always tired, regardless of how much sleep I get. I’d say the best sleep I’ve had of late was a full 7 hours, although, it was an incredibly restless sleep, as it always is. Now whilst 7 hours is good, in the lead up to this I was sleeping for maybe 3-4 hours a night. So the lack of sleep, over thinking and self-doubt, often causes me to be grumpy and moody. This will then make me nippy and short with the people closest to me. I’m aware I’m like that, but for the most part I cannot help it.

I often feel like my anxiety is a burden to those around me, and when I’m asked questions like this, it reinforces that feeling. Being there for someone like me is no doubt tiring and really draining at times, especially having to listen to the same stuff on repeat. I get that it must make you just want to shake me and ask me to man up, but let’s face facts, it’s not that easy.

What I want to say to people at times is; I am not my anxiety! Anxiety is just a part of who I am. I am so much more than my weird quirks, and if you took the time to not be frustrated by me, you’d maybe get to see that.

If you are like me, you will no doubt identify with this or perhaps even have your own to add. If you are not like me, but know someone who is, just try to be a little bit more mindful with your ‘helpful’ words of wisdom. They may be coming from a good place, or you may just be frustrated with having to deal with us, but remember who you’re dealing with. We already overthink everything and we already feel like we’re not good enough, and that the world thinks we’re hypochondriacs or that we’re disliked, so making it out to us like we can just go out and fix it, like it’s easy, is not helping.

I cannot speak for everyone, but I know that all I need is a sympathetic ear at times, and someone who just lets me get on with my quirks/ocds. Some days I just need to vent what has been over playing in my head, so that helps me release and feel better. This may be something you’ve heard many times before, but please, bear with me, I’m trying. I’m definitely prickly around the edges, and often wonder how on earth I managed to find someone to marry me, and who still sticks around, but I like to think it’s because they know I’m more than just my anxiety disorder, and of course, because I’m hilarious. This just goes without saying. Yup, you are in fact, reading the blog of a woman who is so funny, that most of the things she has to say that are funny, cannot be said for laughing. As they say, if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry! And I know which I prefer.

To everyone out there like me; don’t be phased by these questions/comments. Just focus on what you need to, to get through a day, and don’t forget to celebrate all the successes, even the little ones. My success today is I went out Tesco, feeling terrible, with a light dusting of powder on my face, and my hair wasn’t sitting. To me, this is huge, not because I’m vain, or conceited, but because I have skin problems and always worry about being ugly and having people stare. There is also the small fact of me hating shopping, crowds, queues and being around people when feeling down. I did worry that people were looking & judging that perhaps I looked a little unkempt but you know what, I did it! Look at me and my bad self.

 

 

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