How do I stop having an FP (Favourite Person)? BPD / EUPD
Since starting my first counselling session around 13 years ago, I have become more and more self aware. Talking to counsellors and therapists has really helped me to look at myself and realise my issues. This is both a good and a bad thing.
The good side to this is that I recognise I have issues, and where I need to start making improvements. The bad side is it gives me a whole new set of anxieties and things to over think! Most recently, having an FP!
I now recognise that I have had FP's in my life. These people I have been completely emotionally dependent on. I need them to guide me. I need their reassurance, I need them to like me, I need them to approve of everything. What if they don't? What if, they don't even particularly like me? What if, they're not even really a friend, but in my mind they are? What if it's all of these things!?
I have written blogs in the past saying that I have very few friends. I know a lot of people, and I talk to a lot of people, but there are not many that I class as friends. This is very much a conscious choice. I like my circle to be small, and filled with people who I can trust. Trust is HUGE for me. I have had many bad experiences with snakes in the grass, I just don't tolerate it anymore. I've also spoken about the fact that I don't often care what people think of me. I have those that I do care about, and those I really couldn't give a rats ass about. Then there are those that I really really care about their opinions!
Having an FP is horrible! It's not quite Ingrid Goes West, but I swear it's a kick in the arse from! I've had an FP in the last few years, and it's literally killed me (mentally!). I have been completely obsessed with having this person like me. I think about them all the time i.e. would they approve of this? Would they like what I'm wearing? Will they like my new hair style? If I do this, will they think less of me? shit you not!
I'm worried about disappointing them. I have cried myself to sleep some nights thinking about all the ways I don't measure up for them. About how I'm just the absolute scum of the earth in comparison. I'm too chavvy, too common, not pretty enough, not clever enough, not interesting enough...just basically not enough. They'll never want to be around me. Why did I think this? Oh probably because they made one off the cuff remark? Perhaps rejected an offer I made of spending time together, or maybe just didn't acknowledge my existence when I needed them to. Yes, I mean needed, not wanted.
There are other times when my FP has made me feel amazing. They've made me laugh, maybe noticed I was wearing a new top and liked it, perhaps recognised the hard work I've put into something, just generally being kind. Could even be as simple a statement as "Hey, good job!" and I would be elated. OMG they noticed me. Not only was I noticed but I was approved of.
When I feel they're making me feel sad, I hate them. I hate how they make me feel (intentionally or not), I hate that I'm not enough for them, I just hate everything about them, me and the situation. Cue being very irritable, low and angry! When they make me happy? Oh, I love them. I love life, love how they make me feel, and love the situation🤨 . It's all very extreme.
I have read blogs (here is one on the Mighty that sums it up nicely. You don't have to tick all of those boxes, and really this just sums up but a few points) and forums on FP's, but you know what I'm yet to find? A way to stop it! It's ridiculous! How can so many people recognise what it is, both people who experience it and psychiatrists, but no-one have an answer?
How do I stop having an FP? How do I stop latching onto people emotionally?