[Sticky] My experiences with Mania
I didn't realise it was manic moments I was having. I just thought I was having more 'lucid days' and that I was showing signs of getting better.
Usually I'm quite a socially anxious person. I'm someone who spends her life apologising for things I've said, or how I've come across during conversations for fear of always offending people. I avoid so many social occasions for fear of not actually being wanted. I never believe I'm good enough, or that people like me. Every single negative thought/feeling you can possibly have, I have it daily about myself.
I also find that I'm a perpetual worrier that everything will go wrong. I have spreadsheets for just about anything you can think of relating to money. I create them, maintain them and check them regularly. I have to do this, for fear that I'll get something wrong and we'll be left out of pocket. Before I make a decision on anything, I tend to think it through, and worry about all of the possible negative outcomes, and this often renders me unable to do what I'm thinking about.
Well, that is until I have days where I don't care. I get days, or even just a few hours, where I feel confident. I do feel enough. I want to be social. I make bold decisions without even considering the consequences. I call it 'hitting my fuck it switch'. When this happens I'm unaware of what is going on, I just know that I feel good, life is good, and I'm just going to enjoy myself.....
Once these manic moments are over, I'm exhausted. I'm also incredibly anxious and spend however long scrutinising all of my social interactions and decisions. It can cause my anxiety to shoot through the roof.
I can totally relate to some of the feelings you have/had. My coping mechanism for the overthinking/overplanning is asking myself
"Can I do anything about that/change it right now?" if the answer is "no", then I try to let it go. Easier said than done at times and not 100% effective, but it is helping to make the overthinking/planning less frequent.